Animals

Ever hear someone talk about how much easier their life would be if they were an animal.

"My sex life would be so much better if I was a Tiger"

But would life as an animal truly be better?

Let’s think about it… NO!

First of all you’d deal with the same shit. Tired of waiting in traffic all day? Well guess what! As an animal you get to wait in living traffic. Remember herds? Huge groups of animals all traveling together to a set destination, maybe in search of food or a breeding ground.

My bed’s a breeding ground ladies…

Well you get to travel in a herd! So tailgating actually means your face is to close to another “drivers” literal ass. Your face. My ass. 

And if I got to take a shit during the commute I’m not going to pull over. No I’m just doing it. Tell me if my colon looks healthy.

Think you are going to just be able to strike it out on your own? Just living your life happily, as a horse in a meadow. Not really. You will still have to live with a group. But not because they are your co-workers, or anything silly like that. You can’t honestly hold down a 9-5 as a horse.

This is a group you are forced to be in for safety. Because it’s easy to kill one, than to kill one thing from a group. That’s why zebras have stripes. Shit is straight confusing in a group. But don’t think you can just live solo as a hunter either. Most animals hunt in groups too. A single lion can’t kill an elephant but 15 can.

And lastly life as an animal is painfully short. On the ground breaking documentary series Planet Earth there is footage of a sea lion being swallowed alive in a blink of an eye by a great white shark. The sea lion is just floating there soaking up the sun, and then BAM! It’s being eaten. 

 And you couldn’t escape jail or other institutions either. Jails, circuses, consumer product labs, science laboratories, and people’s backyards are waiting for you!

Get out those decoder rings kiddies. Go back and highlight the text.

 

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