The children

“I’m at a point in my life where a lot of my friends are settling down and having kids…”

Or at least I would say that right now, if it wasn’t for the fact that I’m a southerner. In actuality I said that statement when I was around 14 or 15. At the time my friends weren’t necessarily “settling down”, getting married, buying a house, or what ever that phrase means these days. But they damn sure were having kids. Children their parents would usually be forced to take care of. I mean it’s hard to get your son or daughter to school on time, when you have to be at school at the same damn time! And even when they got home, my friends didn’t have time to make their children dinner or do things a parent would, because they were still children themselves.

"After these fries I need you to help mommy with her algebra homework, because I'm failing..."

And a few of my friends didn’t have extra parental support from their parents, for a myriad of reasons. So they had to step up and become a star parent, a great friend, and a stellar student. It’s hard enough for a 15 year old to excel in one calling in life…

Shit when I was 15 years old I was crying during episodes of Pokemon. I couldn’t even stop myself from crying so how could I deal with a crying baby?

Pokemon got real sometimes.

So you can guess how successful those particular friends were at balancing all of that responsibility. NOT AT ALL!

When we were 18-19 years old we were able to go clubbing, so we did! I would see my friend in the club wasted. And sometimes this would be okay, because they were living with the person they had the child with. So in those cases, it was socially acceptable for them to go out and cut loose, because their boyfriend or girlfriend was at home ensuring the children are okay. Then I’d look across the club and see the boyfriend/girlfriend at the bar taking shots.

"Where the fuck are your kids??"

When I would confront them about the fact, that they obviously just left their kid at home unattended, they’d feel some remorse for what they done. Then next weekend I’d see them both partying it up! I’d walk right up to them, and say “AGAIN!?” One of them would reply, “Don’t worry! We brought our kid with us! He’s outside in the parking lot in the car.” And that was reassuring to me, because this was before it was common knowledge, that if you left a baby in a car it would probably die. But even so,  they were doing this at night, so the chances of the baby dying in the car would be significantly less.

At most they’d have to worry about their baby being stolen. And I’m sure the chances of that are even slimmer. If someone was to steal their car, I’m sure in all likelihood the thief would remove the baby from the car, set it down on the street, and then drive off. Babies aren’t the most valuable thing, let’s face the facts people. Sure human organs are worth a ton of money on the black market, but those are the organs of fully grown people. Who would even want a lung transplant from a fucking baby? I’m a grown ass man I’d take one breath and rupture that tiny ass lung. Even if buying baby organs was significantly less, I still wouldn’t deal with those underdeveloped organs. I’ll take my chances…

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